This is War

Ok, so here’s the skinny. I started teaching full time a week ago. So I’ve been b-u-s-y and tired. Thus, the lack of bloggage. I’ll give you a quick rundown before my eyes close on me.

It’s been awful. Javan’s doing worse at the small private school than I think he ever did at the too large public school. He disobeys constantly (at school and at home), and he hits anyone and everyone. He hits big kids, little kids, teachers…it doesn’t matter. He’s angry. He’ll just walk right up to a jr. higher and start punching for no reason! The psych says maybe because the other kids are loud? Maybe the noise sends him overboard?

He’s not learning anything because he refuses to do his work. My students and the other teachers can have no respect for me because I can’t even control my own child in any way. Not at all.

The psych saw me as an “emergency visit” after hours today (he is wonderful, I tell you, wonderful!), and it’s been decided that we will wean him off the Depakote over the next week while simultaneously adding Intuniv. The doctor has previously mentioned the possibility of weaning off Depakote, but he didn’t want to start the Intuniv until after the Depakote was completely gone so that Javan doesn’t have too many meds at once…but this time he said if we don’t do it this way he’s afraid Javan will “go into himself completely” (withdraw from all reason and society) and the anger and aggression will overtake him. I agree whole-heartedly. This is war.

War on bipolar mood disorder. War on behavior episodes and rages. War on aggression – hitting, kicking, stabbing, growling, biting. War on complete and utter embarrassment and humiliation. War on hopelessness.

The most depressing part of it all is that I know that after we finally get this all figured out, it will start over. It will always start over. But I cling to the hope that at least for a short time between each battle, we’ll find peace. I’ll get to visit my boy for a while. And enjoy him. The real him. I miss him so very much.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Stephanie
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 21:18:44

    We’re with you!

    Reply

  2. Misty Smith
    Sep 06, 2011 @ 21:20:07

    (((HUGS))) Hang in there!!!

    Reply

  3. Sue Olson
    Sep 07, 2011 @ 10:01:26

    I’m literally crying for you guys right now. I pray for answers, strength, hope, faith, understanding friends/family…I pray for you.

    Reply

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