Interrupting “Normal”

Yesterday I was ecstatic. Now I’m worried. I dropped him off today with the promise that PawPaw would be there to have lunch with him. He still cried, but he did better than he did yesterday (when he did better than the day before). PawPaw did come for lunch and noted that Javan looked waaaaay too tired. He’s worried that the new meds are zombie-fying him. I kind of am too. Since ending the Depakote, Javan has gone back to the old waking up two or three times a night routine. Usually, when that starts up, it gets worse before it gets better. He’ll get to four or five times a night, maybe more. And it’ll last for 4-6 months before slowly dropping back down. Then we’ll feel so relieved when he is finally sleeping through the night again. Hopefully, this time for good…although it never is. Gotta love the cyclical nature of bipolar disorder. Not.

So, I know that he is extremely tired during the day from all that. But I’ve seen him get up that many times a night for years and not be this tired during the day. His eyes are sooooo sleepy that even a complete stranger noted today how sleepy Javan looked. “Like he’s just dragging,” were the man’s exact words. So maybe I’ll call the psych about that tomorrow? Or maybe I should give the new meds more time? Will I ever know anything ever again? I am so flippin frustrated!

Here’s the kicker. At the end of the school day, Javan’s classroom teacher and the director of Crisman school brought him out to the car at pick-up time. Did your stomach just drop? Mine did. But, alas, he did nothing terrible all day. He hurt no one and stayed on green and even got a smiley face eraser out of the treasure box. They told me that Javan really wasn’t supposed to be there today. That he was only meant to shadow for two days and then wait for the application process to finish, but that the teachers who picked him up this morning didn’t know that and yada yada yada. They even handed me back my $325 registration check. There’s something going on here. I asked the director Monday what I needed to do about Wednesday about uniforms since I don’t have them yet. She said he didn’t need them until Monday. She did not say that he wouldn’t be welcome back until Monday.

We’ll hear the “Board Decision” (cue dramatic music) Monday or Tuesday. Until then, well, they know he doesn’t have another school to go to and that he cannot come to the school I work at. They also know that with a kid like this you have to make drastic efforts not to interrupt his “normal.” He has been doing a great job of acclimating to and accepting this new normal. Now they’re just gonna up and stop it out of nowhere and expect him to come back next week with no problems? I think they know better. Which makes me think they don’t want him back.

He needs to be there. He’s doing so well there. And I thought everything was finally coming together for him. I hope it still is. My husband and brother both think I’m “reading too much into it” and I shouldn’t worry. Maybe they’re right. I bet lots of men think so. And not so many women. Bluh. Just Bluh. I feel the pit of despair reaching up to swallow me in silence. I pray that God would pull me out before I get chewed up and swallowed. And I pray that God will pave the way for my son.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. annie
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 00:58:12

    Praying! Loved that ya’ll came by my office to visit today.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: