What a Whirlwind

Today has been like a whirlwind. I mean, it has made me physically dizzy. When I dropped Javan off at school this morning, I was handed an envelope. I knew what it said without opening it. Javan cannot go to school there anymore. I mean, I hoped for the letter to say something else, anything else, but it didn’t. Friday is to be his last day at Crisman. They have valid reasons. I want to be mad at them so I can have someplace to dump all this emotion, but I honestly can’t. They have tried their very best and it isn’t working. He hurts teachers and children on a daily basis. You just can’t have that.

So…I cried all day and freaked my students out with my patchy face. I have to leave them. I have to leave the school with no grammar teacher. I cherish being at that school having relationships with those kids, and I have to give it all up. But I always knew being Mommy had to be first. Javan has to come first.

We will do tons of work and conform the office into a schoolroom. I will buy home school curriculum and go through the motions and be thankful for all the extra time I get to invest in my son. But I can’t muster the excitement or passion for home schooling that I have for teaching a variety of students. I know the feelings that will come…entrapment, resentment, monotony. And I know that my relationship with Javan will not be great. How do I know? I’ve tried this before. It didn’t go well. We don’t do 24/7 too well and we don’t do teacher/student very well…we both want mommy/son.

But if God has chosen to close all other doors, then at least I can be confident in knowing that this is his plan for us. At least for now.
There is a glimmer of hope for Javan at Crisman. We saw the psychiatrist yesterday and decided to take him off the Intuniv and increase the Risperdol just a tad. Today, his teachers and the director were dumbfounded by the change they saw in him behavior. He was “perfect.” They’ve never had a day like this – he didn’t get angry at all, not even once. Praise Jesus. We also started a gluten free diet this weekend, maybe that helped? Probably not this fast, but maybe. Anyways, if he has just as “perfect” of a day tomorrow…they may consider keeping him on for a while longer to see if the med changes have had a super positive effect.

By the way, I have to hand it to them. I LOVE the way they define perfect: “He was wild. Really wild. But we can handle wild. We just talk a little louder when he gets to the other side of the room and then softer when he laps back around to us.” They really do great things for these kids.


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