Hospitalization #5, Day 6

I called to check on Javan this morning. His therapist said he was doing ok. They were able to get him to take his medicines more easily and he actually went to the classroom for 10-15 minutes. Until today he’d always refused to go at all, so I’d say that’s amazing progress. The therapist still thinks an autism treatment center residential placement is the way to go, for no less than six months he says.  Javan got his blanket back, along with another new toothbrush we picked up for him. Thankfully the Walmart there had the exact same kind we’d gotten him before – blue with Ninja Turtles on it.

Today was a grieving kind of day. I just kept breaking down. I miss him so badly it sends me into a flight of panic. Something as little as folding laundry and finding his beloved science lab jacket can unexpectedly bend me over double and leave me in a fit of tears that sends the dogs running to see what’s wrong with me. And I can’t even imagine how much harder this is on him. I’m an adult, I have my home and normal surroundings every day, I have my husband, I have friends and family to visit if I’m lonely. He has none of that. He doesn’t have his bed, his couch, his bike, his parents and family, his Rosco, his toys and books. Everything familiar, everything comfortable and normal is forever away. Completely inaccessible. Gone.

I got a call from Stephanie, the nurse we met that first day we dropped him off. They couldn’t get him to shower, take his medicines, or wipe his bottom. She’s going to buy him some flushable wipes at my request. When the psychiatrist saw him today, Javan was “having a lot of behaviors” like hitting and kicking the staff and refusing to cooperate. So he wants to increase one medication, take him off another, and introduce a third, Lithium. We just took him off Lithium because it did absolutely nothing for him. So I said don’t start that one yet and I’d talk to my husband about it before giving an answer. We both agree that trying that one again would be useless, so the doctor will have to figure something else out. Oh, and she said the doctor doesn’t think Javan has autism because he seems to know what he’s doing and be in control of his behaviors. Well, I guess I didn’t know those two concepts were mutually exclusuve. (Yes, I’m being sarcastic.) He’s leaning towards a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Hospital psychiatrists have this weird thing where they don’t look at patients’ previous diagnoses, but instead diagnose them themselves based on present symptoms. At this point, I don’t care what the diagnoses are. Just find a treatment that works.

The nurse said Javan probably won’t be released this week. That’s good and it’s bad. It means I will have more time to research, make calls, and form potential plans. It also means I won’t see him again until Saturday, and then only for two hours. Mostly, it just hurts.

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