Hospital Stay #7, Days 3-4

So I recently started a local support group for parents of children with behavioral issues and we had our first in-person meeting yesterday afternoon. When we planned this meeting weeks ago, I had no idea we’d be going through this particular trial when the day of the meeting arrived. I was thinking, “I’m a hot mess…how am I going to be what these people need right now?” I’m kind of shy, so between that and feeling like a mental and emotional Mt. Vesuvius, I had some anxiety about welcoming people to a new group that I was expected to lead.

But the meeting went exceptionally well and I think everyone, including me, did get some of the understanding and support that we need and crave. We had a group of nine parents, six moms and three dads, which felt like a really comfortable size. Everyone had the opportunity to speak about their individual situation and there was never a lack of supportive replies and information shared. Heads were nodded, laughs were laughed, tears were cried. It was like all these isolated and alone and hurting parents finally found each other and started creating the community of love, understanding, and unity that we all need.

We didn’t hear from the hospital nurses at all yesterday. No news is good news I guess. But we did get our evening call from Javan and it really sounded like he’s not doing well at all. He sounded so depressed. He spent the majority of the phone call telling us how unsafe he was because the nurses kept trying to punch him and it’s a really good thing he’s so fast at dodging because the nurses look really strong. (This is not true of course and I have no clue how much of what he’s saying he actually believes.) He also said the nurses and kids keep calling him names like NMN (he means M&M) and stupid head. (Also clearly not true.) He sounded on the verge of tears the whole time and begged us to come get him because he’s not safe. Anytime we asked him what he did in gym or if they’d watched a movie or if he colored anything he basically answered that he’d done absolutely nothing. He did tell us that he thinks his mind and body feel better with less medicine so there was at least that one positive thing.

I miss him like crazy and I feel so heart broken about how sad he is. I think about him all the time and I see him everywhere, in everything. We’re on our way to Dallas now to spend the day with family and friends and visit our favorite book store before visitation tonight. My mom’s joining us and when we met her at a truck stop to carpool, I saw this beautiful bench outside and I saw a reflection of the love that I share with my son carved into the wood.

20161023_114212.jpgIt’s a momma and baby horse embracing each other. Everywhere I look, I see little things like this and my heart, well it doesn’t break exactly, but it just aches anew.

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Well, crap. I just got a call from the nurse at the hospital. Apparently, when coming back to the unit from an activity, Javan tried to run away. He had to be restrained and would not calm down, so he was placed in a seclusion room for 15 minutes and then given a Zyprexa to calm down. I hate this.

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It’s been about 2 hours since I got that call from the nurse and now I just got a call from the weekend therapist. She just wanted to update me on how Javan’s been this weekend. She said that yesterday and this morning Javan has been super emotional, crying and tantruming a lot, and that he’s hyper focused on Mom and Dad. Everything is about Mom and Dad all the time. That’s all he thinks and talks about. She reported that Javan has been actively participating in the therapies with her and with the group. She said he seemed in much better spirits this afternoon after getting the Zyprexa.

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Just got a call from Javan while we were at the book store. We put him on speaker phone right in the middle of the board game section so that we could both hear him, and politeness be damned. He sounded better than he did last night, though still kind of down. I gathered that he’s feeling lethargic and doesn’t have much appetite. He hasn’t gotten a new room mate since the last one left, which he is glad about. He was excited to hear that Grammy is visiting him with us tonight and he seemed excited to play games with us. We brought Pokemon cards and a few other favorites of his as well as a Pokemon book that he loves. We’re grabbing a snack at Jack in the Box now and then heading to the hospital. I can’t wait to hug and kiss him and hear his laugh.

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Visitation went ok. It was pretty uneventful because he was very lethargic due to the Zyprexa they gave him earlier. He was uninterested in the games and book we brought, which is highly uncharacteristic of him. He mostly sat slumped in his chair and barely nodded or gave one word answers when we spoke to him.

He did talk some. He told us that he’d thrown up on his sweater today because he was crying so much from missing us and now he was cold. He told us he didn’t sleep well last night and felt like he woke up every hour. I asked him if he had been cold last night and he said yes, so I told him he could ask for extra blankets if he was cold tonight. I could tell that that thought hadn’t occurred to him, and he was so excited by the idea that he said he was going to ask for 15 blankets. Grammy told him maybe to just ask for one or two. He asked several times if Dad could stay the night since he doesnt have a room mate and was sad when Dad said they don’t allow that, but he took it pretty well.

Apart from that, he just wanted to be held a lot, especially by Dad. He would just lean in on our shoulders and lay there holding us and letting us hold him. We did get him laughing a little playing impersonations. He didn’t do any impersonations himself tonight, but he laughed at the ones we did for him.

We told him that we’d talked with his therapist, who told us how well he’d been participating in group therapy, and he suddenly remembered that he’d colored a picture for us in group. He left the room and asked at the nurse’s station if he could bring us the drawing he’d done. Then he proudly presented this picture to us, explaining how he’d used all of our favorite colors: brown for Dad, green for Mom, and blue for Javan. He was ultra proud that he’d written “Javan, dad, and mom” at the top.

20161023_201132.jpg

We gushed over his gift to us and assured him that we’d hang it on the fridge as soon as we got home.

We told him when it was time to leave that he had to do it right just like last time or we wouldn’t be able to visit again Wednesday. When the nurse came to get him, he gave hugs and kisses and cried a little and he did sit down in the hallway and wouldn’t move for a minute or two, but after that he cooperated. For him, that’s still really good, so we’ll be coming back Wednesday. I hope I’ll be able to observe how he’s doing without that nasty Zyprexa in his system.

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