We Have Hope

These days Javan is super hyper in every way. His brain is going 1,000 miles an hour and he never stops talking. He’s generally happy and laughing a ton, super high energy, and sleeping way less. It’s obvious that he’s manic, but less dangerously manic that I’d expect him to be while medication-free, especially in the fall.

On average he’s having no more than one aggressive rage a day. Those have been scary and unpleasant and hope-draining at times, but I do believe the CBD oil is helping. Now it’s just a matter of playing with the timing and dosages until we find what works best for him. Right now, we’re up to 50 mg a day; 20 mg in the morning, 20 mg in the afternoon, and 10 mg before bed. That’s an extremely low dose, but I want to start very slow and not give him more than he needs, mostly due to price since you can’t overdose on it.

Saturday afternoon, we saw what we think was the CBD working to stop a rage in its tracks, although we won’t be able to say that with certainty until we’ve observed him on the oil longer. Because he’s never taken meds in the afternoon and the routine isn’t habit yet, I forgot to give him his afternoon dose. About half an hour after I should have given it to him, he began raging because we wouldn’t let him leave the house in shoes that had obviously been peed in and needed to be washed.

As the episode began, I remembered the CBD oil and was able to get him to take it. The rage then escalated into a full blown hostile situation that had us wondering if he was going to need to be hospitalized again. He was getting violent. We were able to get him to go to his room where we asked him to try to calm down. He started yell-singing “I don’t know what I’ve been told!” military style and alternating between,”I don’t know what I’ve been told. Now I’m gonna kick this door/wall” *BANG!”, and “I don’t know what I’ve been told, now I’m gonna punch myself in the face!” *THWAP!

We went in and intervened because he’s already got enough holes in his walls and we didn’t want him getting hurt. He raged on in his growliest monster voice that he wanted us to get out, and he raised fists and even swung, but didn’t strike. He continued his military cadence and  wall-kicking, while berating us in between for not letting him wear the shoes. His rage was so severe that I began discreetly recording it on my phone as evidence to show the hospital staff if we needed to bring him in. Then it just…changed. So suddenly and severely that even with all the strange behaviors we’ve seen over the years, my husband and I were giving each other that look that silently says, “What the heck just happened?”

Javan was still talking in his monster voice, but he switched from yelling threats and insults to telling me conversationally about someone named Princess G that used to be his great friend until she left when he was six. Through gentle questions, I was able to infer that Princess G was actually a Pokemon character. I offered to watch “her episode” with him if he’d take off the shoes so they could be washed. He growled, “It’s a deal.” and immediately took off the shoes.

The rage was just…over. Just like that. it just sort of dissolved. During my research on CBD, I read several times that many people start feeling calming results about 10 minutes after they take it. That seems to be what we observed. Like I said, we won’t know for sure until we have had longer to observe him on the CBD over time and in different situations. It could have been a fluke. But the fact that both my husband and I were completely dumbfounded by what we’d just witnessed after as many rages as we’ve experienced tells me that something’s different. I hope we’ve found a solution.

He’s still got a ways to go, but this is the first time in a long time that I feel like we might be headed in the right direction. I’m curious to see what his psychiatrist thinks at his regular visit tomorrow. I’ll tell him the good and bad of course.

I’ll tell him that we aren’t sure Javan can sustain being off of medications, but see what his opinion is on us continuing to try.

I’ll tell him about the rages and the dangerous threats he’s made to himself and to us, like the day he threatened to stab me or himself in the eyeball with a pencil to avoid doing a reading page at school time. After calming down, he said he really would gave gone through with stabbing his own eye.

I’ll tell him about the weird things, like filling all of Mom and Dad’s shoes with water and washing his hair with mouthwash in between showers to keep it smelling fresh.

I’ll tell him that Javan is still struggling with separation anxiety, especially from Mom, and that he’s being hypervigilent about protecting his home and family from bad guys.

I’ll tell him that Javan is spending a lot of time in is imaginary world, interacting too much other his imaginary friends, to the detriment of his interacting appropriately with reality at times.

I’ll tell him hat hypersexuality has returned with the vengeance that only early puberty miced with mania can bring.

I’ll tell him Javan’s sleeping and eating much less than normal, yet has boundless energy.

But I’ll also tell him that homebound schooling is going well for us. That for the most part Javan has been compliant with schoolwork.

I’ll tell him that Javan has responded very well to having therapists and a new teacher enter our home. That he worked with them to he best of his abilities and treated them respectfully. He did so well with his new teacher today that she’s going to do 4 hours a week with him instead of 2.

I’ll tell him that we’re starting TBRI (Trust Based Relationship Intervention) therapy next week and that I think it’s going to help ease his anxieties.

I’ll tell him that I think the CBD can help Javan.

I’ll tell him that we have hope.

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