Soooo tired. Javan is back to not sleeping through the night at all. And his tummy hurts all the time, which is probably why. Anyways, I’m totally not up to writing the detailed version of this blog that you all deserve, so you’ll get the short and sweet version. HE GOT IN! Even the director (like the principal) of the school didn’t see that one coming, although she wanted him to be accepted. I talked with her before the board meeting yesterday and her opening comment was… “I’m not telling you he won’t get in, but….” Then my heart stopped for a moment so I don’t know exactly what she said next. The general gist of the conversation was her telling me that the board was likely to turn him down because he was a threat to the other students. And she said there’s no way they’d let him come without having his own private aide to make non-aggression possible. AND, they wouldn’t allow her to hire an aide until she’d raised the grant money (from local churches, etc.) to pay the extra salary. Ugh.
My end of the conversation involved merciless begging, crying, even a little directed anger. “If Javan goes there, you’ll have an extra $600 bucks a month that you didn’t have before. How is an aide’s salary going to hurt you?” Not very professional, I know, but true. She said she presented his “case” to the board (background info., psych profile, school records, etc.) and they accepted him right away! They are cautious about it though. We aren’t being asked to sign the one year standard contract. Instead, it will be on a month-to-month basis. That way if he is hurting others, they can kick him out. But I truly believe that he can do it there! I’ve never seen any other school/structured environment that could keep him from hurting anyone for three whole days! Granted, he hit and kicked his teacher at the very beginning of the first day, but nothing after that. It’s like they understand the word “preemptive” or something.
We are so thankful to God for opening this door for our son. This is going to be “it.” I just know it.
Eyes…closing. Okay, so I’ll leave you with this random rendition of “The Voice of Truth” by Casting Crowns. I’m giving it as an assignment for my high school kids, and I wanted to have a clear example written so they’d know what was expected of them. The song is about defeating your giants. The things in your life that torment you with anxiety and hopelessness. The things you fail at over and over. This song is about my giants. I wrote this while waiting to hear back from the director of the school about the board meeting. It was a very painful, anxious waiting period. I prayed and I gave it fully over to God, but the anxiety and depression didn’t dissolve until I finally got the call. The call came about half an hour after I finished writing this.
Oh my God has given me
The kind of faith it takes to see my child’s differences
To battle and embrace
To step out of my ignorance
Make difficult decisions and defend them
Holding tight to Jesus’s hand
But school failure’s calling out my name and it laughs at me
Reminding me of all the schools we’ve tried before and failed
Experience keeps telling me
Time and time again, “Your boy will never win.”
“You’ll never win!”
But the voice of truth says “This is for my glory”
And the voice of truth says “Trust the Lord your God”
“You must lean not on your own understanding”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before his illnesses
With the right sling and the right stone
Surrounded by the teachers and professionals
Ashamed by their avoidance
Wishing they’d have given him a chance.
But his illnesses call out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of everything I’ve tried before that’s failed
My hopelessness keeps telling me
Time and time again, “Your boy will never win.”
“You’ll never win!”
But the voice of truth says, “I will never leave you.”
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid.”
God’s foolishness is wiser than my wisdom.
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
I don’t know if there’s a stone
To put this giant on the ground
But I believe my God will say of him, “He was lost. Now he is found.”
God has plans for His son, Javan.
For prosperity and hope.
Jesus, sing over him.
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
Bipolar Aspie Mom 